there is such a thing as too much fun

so for the past year i’ve kept saying on my blog and in real life, y’know, i’m having so much fun and joy that it might be TOOOO much haha. and it was all fun and games when i was asking, when will the fun end? it has to end at some point, right?

TURNS OUT IT DOES. IT DOES END. THE FUN ENDS.

i had too much fun this weekend. now i think i have norovirus, which shall join the hall of fame of my college diseases thus far along with bronchitis/pneumonia and mono.

alert!!! don’t read this if you are my mom or like a future employer! everything in here is fictional and satirical!

i don’t usually end up in a scenario where i’m going out 3+ nights in a row, except for halloweekend, which is like… obvious and non-negotiable for me. typically, i’m content with a once weekly trip to 1020 with friends, which is a very casual and laid back bar situation. but this weekend, mostly because of my roommate bringing her lovely friend to visit, we were OUTSIDE. literally :/ i’ll get to that.

night one was (redacted frat name’s) party downtown… unremarkable.

i should probably explain how frats work at columbia before i go on any further because nothing about this is normal. so frats have their own houses, but because these houses are tiny brownstones because nyc, most of their parties happen downtown where they book a club/bar venue and sell tickets. therefore.. most of the events are not only 40+ min away and involve a bouncer, but COST MONEY. so please keep in mind that i shelled out $15 of my own money to attend this event. parties at the actual houses are usually free and more traditionally fratty if you will, but again, the houses are tiny so they will literally ask who you know there.

anyways, long story short, i quickly realized while i was at this bar that i was already far past the target demographic for this event. and i’m a sophomore!!! there are quite a few rites of passage for nyc college kids as they discover going out, including but not limited to… those 18+ welcome week parties, young gal, hotel chantelle, and somewhere nowhere/palace. this seems to be one of mine. i got lana del rey drunk, as they like to call it, so we left relatively early and i spilled my situationship lore to anyone who was unfortunate enough to listen while we ate taco bell.

while night one was a bit of a flop, night two was a resounding success! my salvadoran roommate is the ceo of latinos on campus, so she took me along to a bad bunny party her club was hosting. boy, those latinos sure know how to have fun. (this statement was vetted by my roommate). we were dancing on tables, which apparently happens at every one of these parties. it was also in an ec suite, think like a large apartment party, which i much prefer to a bar venue. though it did get shut down at like 12:30 because some freshman girl threw up in the bathroom (if you ask me, not a party-ending offense). my roommate had an even crazier night than i did, because she brought the party to the heights and then the lawns and then jjs!!

now this is where i made my fatal mistake. the darty - day party. darties never end well for me.. the last time i went to one, hosted by the same frat by the way, i was passed out on my roommate’s bed for about 9 hours unable to move. keep in mind that it’s february and this darty takes place outside, in about 25 degree weather.

my friends and i had planned to go downtown somewhere that evening, so we would need to leave the darty somewhat early. with this in mind, we arrived at the brownstone and were taking it relatively slow, just hanging out and dancing.

something i have a problem with and i need to work on is that as soon as i feel self conscious or uncomfortable, i’m getting myself drunk. i definitely felt both of those, because i didn’t really know anyone there yet and i was getting stuck in a lot of those awkward trio conversations where your friend knows someone really well and you’re left hanging. so i made my way downstairs to the indoor bar and really worked those pledges for my beverages. ever since my freshman year birthday, i’ve stayed away from shots cold turkey, long story. but again… i was like, well.. i don’t know anyone and i have nothing better to do here, do i?

so of course, i made my way to the shot ski despite all my best judgment, putting my mouth directly on the communal shot glass several times. at this point, all critical thinking skills were gone and i was shooting fireball (if you EVER see me willingly drink whiskey, call an ambulance. this should’ve been the final straw).

you know what, i’m not gonna get into the rest of the details of this darty, partly because i don’t want to think about them ever again and partly because i obviously can’t remember most of them. but somehow my friends and i were brought back to our beds, passing out for the night with all hopes for a classy evening downtown completely forgotten. ‘what a crazy hangover i have,’ i thought to myself foolishly. that is until i woke up the next morning.

my friends and i were meeting up with another friend down in the east village for some brunch on yet another 20 degree morning. when we were walking back to the subway station, i can’t describe the feeling that overtook me in any way other than IMPENDING DEATH. i was shivering, coughing, spitting, whimpering under my breath… tears formed in my eyes and i was simultaneously laughing and crying at how insane i looked. ‘what a crazy hangover i have’, i thought FOOLISHLY to myself once again. we made it home and i laid down immediately for a recuperative nap.

suddenly i’m burning up. my roommate takes my temperature. 100. then 101. it’s only going up. i’m nauseous, dry coughing, can’t breathe, ears stuffed, and worst of all i’m sooooo gassy. i thought maybe i could sleep it off, but i wake up the next morning unimaginably more sick.

listen, this isn’t something i’m ever proud to admit, but just so you understand how serious this was, while i was in the bathroom, i was exerting so much energy that i passed out on the floor - vision black, head spinning, ears ringing and all. i could barely speak. when i tell you the stomach flu is NOT A JOKE.. i mean that.

i’m on the slow and humble road to recovery now, aided by a lot of dayquil, sudafed, and tylenol in amounts that are not recommended to be combined together. but for the first time in my college life, i think i’m finally going to happily say no to going out, because i may be out of commission for weeks after what i just went through.

college is definitely fun and games. however, i am not invincible. i have my limit. boy, did i find it last weekend. life lesson.. do not share drinks. do not steal disposable devices from off the ground of a frat house. do not go out night after night without giving yourself time to recharge and absolutely, under any circumstances, do NOT go to an OUTDOOR darty in 25 degree weather during flu season (seriously, what is wrong with you?)

who am i kidding, you’ll probably see me this weekend columbia. i never learn…