sophomore year!

i go to college and learn things and have fun.

spring semester

so it seems the joy of sophomore year has not been a fluke thus far. in fact, it lasted all through fall semester. however, i definitely had some fears of spring semester given that last spring was literally THE WORST POINT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE LIKE WORST EVER GENUINELY HORRIFIC TO LIVE THROUGH haha. BUT so far, spring semester has been so awesome!!!!! despite how traumatizing 2025 has been of course. i’m not talking about like real life events. this blog is supposed to be a happy place. but within the confines of my university, it’s been great.

so, i went to exactly two intro philosophy classes before deciding to minor in philosophy. lol. yeah my days of econ and finance aspiration are long fucking gone and thank god, because clearly that direction is not for me. i already kind of knew i wanted to minor in philosophy or some sort of humanities because i don’t want to leave college evil and soulless, but those two classes really convinced me. and all it took is like 3 pages of descartes’ meditations (he’s a really cool guy i think! i keep thinking of *i have no mouth and i must scream* every time i read anything from him). my professor is AWESOME and i love just sitting in that class and feeling my mind expand. i’ve always considered myself a pure utilitarian just because i watched too many debate bros on leftist youtube, but i think i’m gonna come out of this class with a new perspective and hellllll yeah that’s what college is all about.

other cool class i want to mention is my llm ethics class. when i saw this course listing i literally jumped and i was like, i don’t care what i have to do, i am getting into this class no matter what. it is actually my dream world wrapped up in a 1 hour and 15 min lecture. half the time, she gives us a lecture about llms and how they work (and she is so smart and knowledgeable), and the other half of the time, we discuss AI research papers. over the course of this class, i’m gonna read and analyze like 25 of the most important AI papers and this is exactly what i want to do with my life oh my god, i’m just smiling so big even writing about it. and the COOLEST thing is our project, where we basically write our own research paper about anything related to llms, and that involves anything from testing out models to building your own. she just casually dropped that last semester, all the people in one group went on to pursue phds and used that paper as their thesis - um i am a SOPHOMORE. the impostor syndrome hits me hard in this class, but by my 3rd sem at columbia, i’m realizing it’s just a fact of life that i need to try my best to ignore.

i’m taking some more cool classes but i don’t wanna talk about that. life in general has been pretty awesome. it’s reallyyyyyyy cold in new york, so i’m doing less exploring and frolicking than i’d like, but i am getting out of the dorm and making friends in my classes!! i’m getting more involved in my club too which is really cool. overall just having a great time in the city.

i hate writing this because i immediately jinx it, but my skin has gotten so much better. another post about acne is incoming because … i think about it a lot. but i’m like 7 months into spironolactone and i’ve never felt so confident in my skin before. i never realized how much having acne affected my mental health until i felt what it’s like to wake up and not just be in pain from deep cysts all over my cheeks. it is NOT gone or perfect whatsoever but as silly as it sounds it’s been helping me to just repeat to myself, “my skin is slowly getting better every day” when i think too hard about it. acne really fucking sucks, but i’m so excited to just be bare faced in public when it’s all clear.

in general, i can't shut up about computer science i know. but genuinely having passions after like 4 years of being depressed is awesome. i also really love having this blog, it makes me so happy. shoutout to josh who i met in 1020 and showed this blog to, because literally no one else in my life really reads it (and i prefer it this way mua ha ha), but drunk me can't keep secrets. he said he liked it! that made me smile, thanks josh. ummm not sure what else to say... life is good right now!

fall semester.

honestly the only way i can sum up my feeling of being back at barnard college of columbia university in the city of new york is BOY is this school and city absolutely soul crushing. i am really trying to think of positive things which i enjoy about this school and in efforts to remind myself why i should not transfer i will enumerate them here.

1. my lovely friends.
2. the absolutely amazing minds of the computer science faculty and their amazing teaching skills and fascinating lectures.
3. the beautiful campuses of barnard and columbia which effortlessly awe me with their beauty.
4. the fruitful opportunities of being a student here and the city being my oyster ?
5. jjs quesadillas and milkshakes
6. i’m running out of things honestly

but let me tell you. i always think of that tweet that’s like a list of the schools in which you will meet supervillains and columbia was one of them. let me tell you i have never heard a more true statement in my life because i never thought evil people existed before i came to this school. and i’m really not even thinking of anyone in particular, just genuinely the spirit of the student body comes to mind. i think it’s probably because i’m a cs major and it shouldn’t really be a shock to witness students fighting to the death for faang internships at columbia, but it is regardless TIRING. grind culture slash stress culture is so real and it doesn’t help that people here do not like to socialize at all! it always feels like everyone is in their own solidified groups that you can’t dare to be a part of. it’s like the worst combination of general nyc rudeness and ivy league elitism that gives way to probably the least welcoming environment on campus. but WHATEVER. it’s fine. stress culture is really not anything i’m not used to, coming from my high school, and that’s not my problem with the school. like i didn’t come here expecting some super chill laidback environment, i came here to learn and work hard and all that and of course people are competitive. the difference is that in high school, i think the stress culture brought us together at the end of the day, but here it’s really every person for themselves.

i know that college is for growth and the only way to grow is getting out of your comfort zone. i promise you i am out of my comfort zone. like DAILY. like every time i step out of my dorm room i am somehow getting out of my comfort zone, even if i’m doing something like walking a couple blocks to a coffee shop. that’s how intimidating i find this school and city in general. at the end of the day, i know it’s a good thing and it’s helping me grow and mature and all that, but i would also really like one day where everything feels normal and safe and familiar and unintimidating whatsoever. i’m a taurus girl! i don’t like surprises!

anyways i really just needed to let that out, but in all seriousness i am enjoying sophomore year more than i expected so far. freshman year orientation week was fun and all, but i don’t know HOW i survived it honestly. it was such a jarring transition for me and i’m literally only an hour from home. it’s not like i’m very codependent on my family or anything, but as soon as that door closed and my mom left i was just sobbing. this year is definitely different. i was really looking forward to being back on campus all summer and even though i’m living in a new place, there is still a sense of comfort being back in morningside, which i did not expect.

i also love my classes so far even though they are evil. i have two days where i have cs theory, fundamentals of computer systems, and linear algebra back to back and they’re what i like to call my evil days. then i have my chill and happy days that remind me goodness exists in the world. that’s my days when i have my sociology class and then cognitive science (or neuroscience honestly i don’t remember or know the difference). i really need to clarify that i enjoy computer science i PROMISE, i just think the subject has evil energy around it and that’s the only way i can explain it. i really enjoy my cs classes so far though. in cs theory, we’re learning about the dfa algorithm which is SO COOL. and in fundies, we’re talking about circuits and logic gates. i’ve never been good with hardware but i feel my brain expanding. COOL!

i have some goals for the semester ahead.

1. continue blogging.
   1. blogging has been wonderful for my mental health especially when it is paired with deletion of certain social medias. specifically, i wanna start a series on my blog to review different spots i may discover in nyc. i came to this after my friend asked me for recs on what to do in the city and i realized i have about 3 total because morningside bubble is real. i wanna be able to name like 10 local coffee shops and restaurants and bars off the top of my head in any part of nyc (manhattan tbh) at will. like come on i live here!!!
2. pilates
   1. barnard hates its students which is why they lied to us about the gym being open but as soon as they open the gym and fitbear classes i PROMISE i will be there like daily. i love pilates sooooo much it’s the only exercise for me that really feels good. i wish they would let me take pe classes every semester because my first sem pilates class was amazing i loved my instructor. and i’m so not paying for a pilates membership in the city.
3. cook things!
   1. i miss my unlimited (basically) meal plan from freshman year. like i really took for granted my all you can eat buffets and 3 steps that it took to get to hewitt breakfast. hewitt waffles i miss you. anyways i'm trying to spend less money on fast food and make my meals at home in our tiny kitchen. easier said than done because there is a dunkin literally on the bottom floor of my dorm hall.

i will keep you updated. go lions.